


timing is everything

by RoseofWinterfell



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, Teen Pregnancy, i have more tags for this but i don't know what they are, i wanted to write something sort sweet and fluffy, i wouldn't quite call it happy but its hopeful, jj looking after kie even though they are fighting cause he would, some jj back story cause why not add to his trauma, this is one of those things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24333523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseofWinterfell/pseuds/RoseofWinterfell
Summary: Kie is 18 and pregnant.She tries to deal with it.Her relationship crumbles._________________________TW: teenage pregnancy, abortions
Relationships: JJ Maybank/Kiara Carrera, JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 158





	timing is everything

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write somthing short, sweet and fluffy while I try to finish my longer fic, instead I vomited this onto a page. I honest to god don't know where this came from, it was not prompted and it is not like anything I have ever read before.
> 
> I guy I was hooking up with once told me about how his girlfriend got an abortion, and even though it's what they both wanted the relationship was never the same, so I kinda took that thought a ran with it. I know, cheery concept for a fic right?
> 
> This fic covers the topics of teen pregnancy, abortion and pro life/pro choice debate, if these are potentially upsetting topics please do not read.
> 
> I have never personally dealt with these issues, I tried my best to approach things realistically, and to properly depict all the emotions that could be involved with making a decision like this. I hope that this does not offend or upset anyone as I know this can be a sensitive subject.
> 
> If you havn't guessed, I'm nervous about posting this so please if you have any valid issues with this work please approach me.
> 
> I now know all about the abortion law for a state, in a country I do not live in but I have taken some liberties with certain ones. NC requires you to see a councillor 72 hours before your procedure and have an ultrasound, but I have chosen to leave this out for plot, word count and just straight up not f/w that reasons. Also my research suggests in this situation one would most likely get a medical abortion but for plot reasons it's implied Kie get a surgical one, however there are no descriptions to the actual procedure.
> 
> I think that's all... I hope you enjoy.

‘No.’

Kie looks over at JJ from her position on her bed, sitting crosslegged in the centre, hugging a pillow to her chest and subconsciously playing with a loose thread on the pillow case. He looks back at her, using his feet to slightly rock her desk chair that he sat on back a forth, he’s not breaking eye contact and she doesn’t think she’s ever seen him look this serious.

It makes her nervous. More nervous than she already was.

‘No?’

‘No.’ He reiterates, not elaborating.

‘What the fuck do you mean, _no_?’

Kie’s not sure if she annoyed or confused.

JJ leans forward towards her, resting his forearms on his knees.

‘I mean I’m going to let you just _kill_ them.’

Now she knows. She’s pissed off.

_Kill? Kill._ That’s what he thinks? _Fuck him._

‘It’s not a _them,_ JJ. It’s not even an _it._ It’s a collection of cells, it’s nothing.’

‘It’s _our_ fucking baby!’ 

Kie flinches at his voice, and is glad her parents aren’t home, because this is not a conversation she’d like them to be privy to.

It’s not like she thought telling JJ she was pregnant was going to go well. They were 18, and no way prepared for this, but she more expected him to freak out, and claim that they were still kids themselves and that how the fuck are they supposed to look after a kid. You know, all the thoughts that rushed through her head. That’s why when she told him she made her intensions very clear, she wasn’t keeping it. 

When she first found out, she thought about not even telling him. Just deal with it, move on, and pretend nothing happened. But she wanted the support, and some reassurance, and figured keeping this huge thing from him wouldn’t be best for their relationship. So she told him.

But now he’s telling her _no_ , and it’s pissing her off.

‘It’s not a baby, JJ. I know you’re not great at biology but do try and keep up.’

He sits back again, crossing his arms and puffing his chest out in some attempt at a male intimidation technique she assumes. His eyes roll and he scoffs at her.

‘I know enough to know that it’s half mine.’

‘Yeah? Well it’s half mine too. And 100% my body, surely that math is basic enough for you.’

She’s being a bitch. She knows she’s being a bitch but she can’t bring herself to stop because he’s being an asshole. It cancels out right?

‘So I just don’t get a say?’

‘Yeah pretty much.’

‘That’s bullshit, Kie.’

‘No. What would be bullshit is expecting me to give up my entire future to stay here and have a kid at eighteen.’

She knows what happens to girls who get pregnant this young, the cut is riddled with them. They never get a chance, and yes some of them end up perfectly happy. But that’s not what she wants, there’s still so much for her to experience before she settles down.

‘What’s so wrong with that Kie? You’re not giving up your future, it’s just a different one.’

‘Right, yeah one where I’m stuck in the OBX with you and some illegitimate mistake of a baby, sound promising JJ,’ the sarcasm drips off her voice and she glares at him, ‘I’m supposed to go to collage in two months!’

‘Okay, message received,’ his hands twist in front of his and his head drops to look at them , breaking eye contact for the first time.

‘What?’

Hugging the pillow closer to her she watches him carefully, his mood shifted dramatically, seeming more sad than angry now, and she’s not sure why.

‘You’re leaving, heading off to collage and now you’re too good for life on the cut. Too good for me.’

That’s not what she said. That’s not what she meant. She loves the cut and their life and him, even when he’s being a dick. And she knows she’ll probably end up back here and do it happily but she needs to experience life first, do it on her own terms.

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘That’s not what it sounded like.’

‘Well maybe listen to what I say and not what it sounds like next time.’

‘ _Stuck_ here with me is what you said.’

Maybe that wasn’t the best word to use, but I was true wasn’t it? She’d stay and they’d be together because they had to be, all because one night they ran out of condoms and thought there was no harm in risking it just his once. Wouldn’t he prefer she’s with him because she wants to be not because she has to be.

‘So what then JJ? We have a baby. One that we can’t afford, and are in no way equip to handle or raise properly. We get married because we feel like we have to, spend our lives just scraping by, I spend my days thinking about all the missed opportunities, you resent me because you were ripped from your carefree life before you were ready and the kid is stuck in the middle knowing it was never planned and it’s mere existence fucked up our lives,’ the more she talks the more worked up she gets, the words roll off her tongue before she even thinks of them, ‘that’s what your parents did and we all know how fucking well that worked out for them!’

It’s not even a second after the words leave her mouth that she regretting them, a strangled gasp falls from her lips and her hands come up, palms together, to her mouth trying to block them after they’ve come out.

She throws the pillow to the side and jumps up to the bed, they may be fighting but some things are off limits, no matter what, and she feels sick just thinking about having said that. She’s not sure what’s worse, calling him the unwanted kid that fucked up his parents lives, mentioning his absentee mother, or insinuating in anyway that’s he’s anything like his piece of shit father.

‘JJ. JJ, I didn’t-‘

She’s rushing over to him, reaching out when he stands abruptly.

‘Fuck you,’ he brushes past her and steps towards the door.

Kie manages to grasp his wrist in her hand before he goes too far, he stops at the contact and turns to her.

‘I didn’t mean that JJ, I swear,’ she brings her other hand to run her other hand along his chest trying to offer him some reassurance.

‘You think I’m like him?’

It’s hard to tell whether he’s angry or sad, he yells the words, practically spits them at her, but she can see tears forming in his eyes. Never the less his voice scares her, in a way that she’s never felt with him before, in a way she never thought he was capable of making him feel. She flinches away, letting go of him and taking a step back. 

‘Is that the problem here? The problems not the baby. Just that it’s mine? That I’m gonna be a shitty father just like him?,’ he steps towards her and he towers over her, ‘I’m not going to be able to give you a good life, and I’m gonna hate mine and take it out on you? That I’m gonna be the reason the kid spends his entire life in fear, thinking that everything is wrong with him, that it would of been better for everyone if he just never fucking existed? You really think I’m going to be like him?’

Mostly she wants to reassure him, that, no, she does not think he’s anything like his dad, and she never meant to imply that. That, she knows he’s going to be amazing dad, and she does want to have his kids, one day, but just not right now. She want’s to have the conversation that they should be having right now, the one she thought they were going to have.

But the other part of her looks up at him, the way he towers over her, the snarl on his face and the hard glare. The way he spits the words at her and the way that he’s making her feel a way he never thought he would, that reminds her how easy it would be for him to overpower her, to knock her down, to hurt her if he wanted to. She’s knows he wouldn’t but she never even been in a situation that makes her even think that he could. He’s always had a temper, she knows that, but never at her, not like this. 

The second part of her takes over because she not giving in, not letting him think that acting like this is okay. That he can flex and she’ll give in.

‘I don’t know, this conversation seems to be unfolding in pretty typical Luke Maybank fashion.’

Something snaps in him at her words and his face falls, his jaw unclenching and he takes a step backwards, creating distance between them. 

His hand comes up to pinch his brow for a moment before running it though his hair, tugging on it slightly as he goes. He looks guilty, seeming to only just realise what he was doing.

‘You know what Kie. Do what ever the fuck you want,’ his voice isn’t as harsh as it was a moment ago but he’s still not happy, he throws his arms up, ‘I really don’t give a shit.’

His voice betrays him, but she doesn’t have the energy to fight him on it. He turns from her without another word and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Two days later they still haven’t spoken, she’s to stubborn to try and bridge the gap, actually talk rather than fight, and she’s pretty sure he’s thinking the same thing. So she leaves it, because there are other things to worry about right now, after they’re dealt with she can look into to salvaging her relationship. 

She books an appointment at the clinic for Thursday morning and because she feels like he at least has the right to know she sends JJ a text letting him know.

Predictably he doesn’t respond. She wasn’t expecting him to reply so she doesn’t care, and her stupid hormones are the only reason she spends the next hour with her head buried in her pillows crying. 

* * *

When she pulls up at the clinic she glad that she’s early, taking the opportunity to lean her head against the steering wheel to collect her thoughts. She wants to do this, it had never been a question, she knows she needs to do this, but she can’t help the small pit in her stomach that she gets. Maybe it’s JJ’s words ringing in her head. 

_I’m not going to let you just kill them._

She knows that’s not the case. That there’s nothing to kill, that there’s nothing wrong with what’s she doing, but she can’t shake them. Or maybe it’s just that she alone, she has to walk in by herself, no support, the one other person who knows about this, the one person she really wishes was here to hold her hand and comfort her isn’t even talking to her right now. Part of her hoped that he might have just swallowed his pride and put aside his thoughts on everything and just come through, he always comes through for her. 

The thing is, she’s knows that if she really wanted support she could have asked John B or Sarah to come, she knows that would have, hell she’s sure even Pope would have, and maybe his awkwardness and reciting of clinical facts would have even brought her comfort. But really she doesn’t what to rope them into her mess, the less people who know the easier it will be to move past this. 

The clinic is cold when she steps in and the receptionist greats her with a beaming smile. 

‘Hi! How can I help you?’

She’s way to cheery and it grates Kie the wrong way, she’s all for customer service but god surely you should tone it down a bit, time and a place and all that. 

Kie walks up and checks herself in and the woman hands a couple clip boards over the desk to her. 

‘Okay great, I’m just going to need you to fill in a couple forms for me,’ her smile is wide and Kie resists the urge to roll her eyes, who that fuck smiles like that when handing out abortion paper work?

‘I just need your details and medical history on this one,’ her hand moves from one clipboard to the other, ‘and then the information of whoever is picking you up on this one.’

‘Oh,’ Kie pushes the form back to her, ‘I won’t need that one.’

‘You are required to have someone pick you up after this procedure unfortunately.’

The girl eyes her with what can only be pity, and it makes her feel like a cliche, the poor knocked up teenage who has no one. 

When Kie doesn’t respond the woman speaks again, ‘is that going to be a problem?’

She practically rips the clipboard out from under her hand, ‘no. It’s - it’s fine. I just didn’t know is all.’

They both know she’s just trying to save face, but Kie is thankful that she lets her get away with it. 

Kie moves to her seat and sets to filling out her own form first, it’s easy enough and when she’s done the other form and it’s three simple questions stare back at her, taunting her. 

_Name, relationship to patient, best contact number_. 

She brings her thumb up to her mouth and gently chews on her nail as she pulls out her phone to check the time. 

9am. The clinic say to allow for 6 hours, she wonders if that’s enough time for JJ to pull his head out of his ass. Probably not. And truthfully while part of her wants him here, another part really really doesn’t want to see him right now. 

So instead she clicks on John B contact.

**[Kie]** hey, you busy this afternoon... around 3?

He replies almost straight away, knowing him he’s probably still in bed. 

**[John B]** I’m sure I can make some space in my jam packed schedule for you

**[John B]** what’s up ?

**[Kie]** can you give me a ride home?

**[John B]** Sure... 

**[John B]** where from ?

She hesitates almost tells him not to worry but she needs to do this, and he’s pretty much her best option right now.

**[Kie]** the woman’s clinic

A typing bubble appears and then disappears and then does it a couple more times. It takes a couple minutes before he comes back with a perfectly crafted message of:

**[John B]** Kie....

**[Kie]** We can talk about it later

This isn’t really a conversation for text. She considers for a moment then adds. 

**[Kie]** Just don’t tell anyone okay?

His next reply comes pretty quick.

**[John B]** What about JJ?

She doesn’t have to think before typing out:

**[Kie]** JJ’s an ass

**[John B]** Noted. 

**[John B]** I’ll be there. 

John B seems to get it and she thankful he doesn’t push anything. She fills out the form:

_John Routledge_

_Friend_

And once she’s copied his number she hands off the forms back to the receptionist, who offers her a small but warm smile in return that Kie finds a lot more comforting that her over enthusiastic ones from before. 

The next couple of hours travel by sickenly slowly, with lots of waiting around, but somehow managed to be a surreal blur at the same time. 

The keep her in a room for observation for a half hour after to make sure she’s okay before she pointed back in the direction of the waiting area, free to go. 

When she enters the room she quickly scans it for John B, hoping he’s already here wanting to leave as soon as possible. She doesn’t find him, instead stopping half way through her search when her eyes fall on a tangle of blonde locks. 

JJ’s sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, leaning forward with his forearms in his knees, one hand nervously pulling through his hair, other other loosely holding onto his cap. 

She makes a mental note to curse out John B later.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind her captures his attention and his head shoots up, he’s standing the second he notices her, pushing his hair back and placing his cap on. 

If she was in the mood she’d playfully ridicule him for wearing it inside but instead she rolls her eyes and heads to the desk. He walks up with her silently coming to stand beside her. 

‘All done are we?’ She way to cherry again and Kie can stop the way her face twists up. 

_Yes darl, all done with the abortion._ Can we dial it back please?

She gives her a sharp smiles and a tight nod.

‘Okay we just need to finalise a few things,’ she scans over the paper work then looks to JJ, ‘now are you… John Routledge?’

JJ clears his throat, ‘um- no. He- ah- he couldn’t make it.’

He speaks for the first time and he sounds nervous, stumbling over his words

‘Oh,’ she moves the paper away and pulls out other one from a draw next to her, ‘no worries, we’ll just fill out another one.’

She quickly fills in Kiara’s name at the top and then looks back up at JJ, ‘name?’

‘JJ- ah, no. Jack-‘ he corrects himself, even though the only time Kie’s ever known him to go by anything other than his nickname is on his drivers licence, ‘Jack Maybank.’

She hums in repose jotting it down and JJ scratches behind his ear, a nervous tick.

‘And relationship to the patient?’

‘Um-‘ he hesitates and quickly looks down at Kie and then back to the receptionist a couples times, ‘b-boyfriend.’

The entire time they’ve been together he’s never hesitated on calling himself that, and she hates that that’s now apparently in question. 

Kie catches the receptionists eyebrows quickly shoot up and her let out a little noise that could only be interpreted as one thing. Judgment. 

Clearly the receptionist has picked up on the vibe between them and JJ’s hesitation at their relationship status probably didn’t help but who is this woman to judge. 

Kie assesses the possibilities quickly in her head. Either JJ is the piece of shit boyfriend who wasn’t going to come and only did because there were no other options (it’s not that far off base but far enough that it upsets Kie) or she thinks that the guy who was supposed to pick her up was the father and he’s the scorned boyfriend doing the dirty work instead. She doesn’t like either option and almost considers telling this compete stranger their situation, but she’s not entirely sure that will help anything or make her holster her judgment.

She pulls herself out of her thoughts to see JJ signing at the bottom of the form. 

‘Okay,’ she beams, ‘you’re all set. Just remember no driving for at least 24 hours. They’ll probably be cramps for a couple days so some pain killers won’t go astray. Just makes sure she gets some rest and it wouldn’t hurt to get her to eat something.’

JJ nods, taking in all the information. 

‘Here’s a bit more information. And don’t hesitate to call if there’s any problems.’

She hands over a couple brochures and Kie snatches then out of her hand just before JJ gets his hands on them, pissed off that she’s been addressing JJ as if she’s not even there. Without another word she leaves, JJ jogs a little behind her to beat her to the door, opening it up for her to go through. 

That pisses her off more because how dare he be thoughtful when she’s supposed to be mad at him. 

They stop next to her car and she pulls out her keys, ‘thanks. You can go now.’

‘I’m not just leaving you Kie. You’re not supposed to drive.’

‘I’ll be fine,’ in some sort of fucked coincidence, she gets light headed and her footing falters slightly, she hopes it was subtle enough that JJ doesn’t notice but the look on his face indicates otherwise. 

‘Yeah okay. I’m not gonna be held responsible when you pass out at the wheel and get yourself killed okay.’

She feels sick, she’s not sure if that’s the after effects of the sedative or if it’s just this fucked up situation. 

‘I thought you wouldn’t mind that, getting myself killed would be some karmic retribution for killing your kid.’

It’s uncalled for, but she’s still bitter about that comment. 

‘Jesus Christ, Kie. Don’t say shit like that,’ he snatches the keys out of her hand, ‘that’s fucked up.’

She crosses her arms in defiance, so is saying that shit to me in the first place but you didn’t have a problem with that, she thinks. 

‘Just get in the fucking car okay,’ he say when she doesn’t respond, pointing over to the passenger seat. 

Part of her wants to fight him, because she doesn’t take orders from him and who is he to tell her what to do, but she doesn’t have the energy to protest and she’s knows he’s right, she shouldn’t be driving right now. So she sulks over the door and climbs in. 

They sit in silence, the air tense. She almost wants to speaks thinking surely saying something will break the tension in someway. But she doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t. 

They drive past a fast food joint and JJ pulls into the drive tru and Kie almost scoff because is this really the time to be stopping for food? There’s been times when she’s found JJ’s constant hunger cute, this was not one of them. 

‘What do you want?’ He ask when it’s their turn to order. 

‘To go home.’ Is all she says. 

JJ rolls his eyes and flings his head back staring at the ceiling for a minute, mumbling something under his breath that she can’t quite make out then turns to the speaker and orders a burger combo. 

The food gets passed through the window and JJ puts the drink down in her cup holder and tosses the bag onto her lap. 

‘Eat something,’ he says as he pulls back onto the road. 

Oh. The food was for her. 

Kie pulls out the burger from the bag and starts eating it. She wants to thank JJ because it makes her feel better, the gurgling in her stomach slowly dying down, instead she just stays quiet and watches him. His eyes stay fixed ahead but his jaw’s locked, letting her know that he knows she looking. She can’t help breaking the silence, maybe it will help. 

‘Why are you here JJ?’

His head whips to her when she speaks, surprised that she has. He looks at her for a second before looking back to the road. 

‘John B told me that-‘

‘John B’s got a big mouth.’ She defiantly told John B not to tell anyone, that included JJ. He’s always sticking his nose places it doesn’t belong, it’s not his place to try and fix them. 

And yes, she is fully aware that talking was supposed to be an olive branch and she instantly bit his head off.

‘Why didn’t you ask me Kie?’ He sighs. 

‘I told you when it was.’

‘I didn’t realise that was an invitation.’

‘It wasn’t.’

She’s having trouble keeping her thoughts straight. Whether she wanted him there or not. She thinks he just wanted to know she wasn’t alone in this, his physical presence irrelevant. She just wanted to not have to carry the burden of the decision by herself, on paper the decision is easy. But she can’t help the mental toll it still takes, especially when he’s pulling against her on it. 

‘I would have been there Kie.’ His voice is soft, ‘If you asked.’

‘I shouldn't have to ask for you to fucking support me,’ _I did, didn’t I?_ Is what she wants to say. 

Isn’t that why she told him, because she didn’t want to go through this alone. She shouldn’t have to say _hey, come with me to get an abortion_ for him to know she needed him there. 

‘You seem to forget that I’m not a mind reader. I can’t just guess what you want,’ he scoffs at her. 

Kie can she his knuckles go white as he grips tighter to the steering wheel, trying to keep his temper at bay. 

‘Well you were pretty clear with want you wanted so maybe I just didn’t want to deal with the judgment.’

She sits back in her seat and crosses her arms, because that’s the point isn’t it. Him there or not it’s not without judgment, it’s not the support that she wanted from him, not the support she usually gets from him without question. 

Next to her JJ lets out a deep sigh at her words.

‘I’m just trying to figure out how to be okay with all this Kie,’

‘Oh yeah, I’m sure this is very hard for you,’ he wasn’t the one who had to go through it, he didn’t have to spend hours sitting alone in a cold clinic, he didn’t have to carry the burden of this life changing decision. 

All he had to do was pull out, and he couldn’t even do that, and he certainly wasn’t complaining at the time. 

‘It is actually yeah, can you maybe stop fucking undermining that!’

Maybe not talking was better. Kie shrunk back in her seat and finished eating her burger while JJ started at the road ahead his jaw clenched. 

It’s not like she thinks it easy on him, she’s just annoyed and want this to be about her. If there is any moment that can be about her surely it’s this one. 

They pull up to her house and get out silently before walking to her front steps. Kie puts out her hand for her keys and JJ obliges placing them in her upturned palm. 

‘Do you want me to come-‘

‘No.’ She cuts him off before she finishes, she can’t stand anymore of this tense silence, and as much as she doesn’t really want to be alone right now she thinks it’ll somehow be better than what ever this is. 

It’s never felt like this before, being around JJ. Sure they’ve had their fights but they resolve pretty quickly. JJ is always the one to help lighten the mood, usually him being around takes away the tension in the room, makes her relax. It’s never been like this with them before, and it’s like she doesn’t recognise them. 

‘Okay,’ he shoves his hands in his pockets a nods, ‘I’ll get John B to pick me up then.’

She resists the urge to tell him if he just let John B pick her up in the first place they could have just cut out the middle man. Instead she turns on her heals and heads up the stairs to her house. 

She pauses at the door and turns back to him and he’s still standing there, hands in pockets, watching his foot move around some of the gravel below it. 

‘You can wait on the porch if you want.’

He’s never had to ask permission before, she’s never had to invite him really and it’s another thing that pulls at her heart reminding her that they might just be broken. 

‘Thanks,’ he mutters, not looking at her as he steps forward, sitting down on the porch at the top of the steps. 

Kie unlocks the front door and opens it but hesitates again before stepping in.

When she turns back to JJ his shoulders are slumped, he’s taken off his cap and is running his hands through his hair again. 

Something takes over her and she closes the door again and comes to sit down next to him. She really doesn’t know why she does it and he doesn’t react to her presence. 

They sit for a moment and then Kie reaches into the bag next to her, pulling out her fries and then tilts the box to him offering him some. A peace offering. The best she’s got for now. 

He stares down at her hand, then glances up to her trying to read her expression and then looks back down a takes a couple. 

They eat in silence, neither wanting to speak and break the tentative truce they have formed. 

When she feels like she can’t possibly keep her head up by herself anymore, it’s been an exhausting day, she leans down to rest it on JJ’s shoulder. He responds by reaching around her waist and pulling her in closer. 

It’s nice, it almost feels normal, she’s missed his touch so much in the last couple of days, and for the first time today his presence gives her the comfort she so desperately craves. 

The tears fall down her checks silently at first, then something breaks inside her and she lets out a throaty cry. JJ flinches under her at the sound and she can feel his head turn to look down at her. 

She doesn’t move to look at him though, instead she turns into him more, her head burring into the crook of his neck and her hand coming up to grab the front of his shirt in support as her crys morph into sobs. 

JJ’s arm around her pulls tighter and he brings his other hand up to her hair slowly stroking it. He presses his lips so the top of her head and whispers ‘it’s okay, you’re okay,’ over and over against it. 

She’s not really sure why she’s crying, whether for the burning remains of her relationship, or for the child that never really existed, or if it’s just her mess of hormones. Maybe it’s all three, the weight of this day finally crashing down on her and she just needs to get it out before she breaks, really breaks.

JJ lets her cry, lets her tears soak through his t-shirt, he keeps whispering words of affirmation into her hair as his hand runs over it. She finds the sound of his voice more comforting than what he’s actually saying but irregardless she’s glad he’s there. 

When her sobs finally die down she takes a moment to try and steady her breathing, when she thinks she has it under control she pulls away from him slightly, not out of his grip, just enough so she can look at him. 

His eyes are red and it makes her think he had been crying too. She hadn’t even noticed. He looks down at her and tucks her hair behind her ear and then brings his hands up to cup her face using his thumbs to try and dry her cheeks, offering her a small smile to go with it. 

When she smiles in return to try and reassure him that she will be alright, he leans his head forward slightly then stops himself and pulls back, instead placing the soft kiss on her forehead. 

‘You’ll be an amazing father JJ,’ she blurts out. 

Because she still feels guilty about what she said. And she needs him to know. 

He pulls back from where his lips were lingering against her skin and looks at her. 

‘One day. I just... it’s just not the right time,’ she pauses, ‘but I know you’ll be an amazing father, you’re nothing like him, okay? You are kind and caring and loyal and I know you would never hurt the people you love.’

He doesn’t speak, just watches her as she takes in his words. Kie takes that as an invitation to keep talking. 

‘I would love to have your children one day. But just not like this. I just needed you to know that.’

His tongue flicks out to wet his lips and he nods his head slowly in understanding. Kie reaches up to twist one of his hands away from her face and clasp it in her own on her lap. 

‘I know this hasn’t been easy for you. I should have- I’ve been a dick...’

Kie pulls away from him and faces forward again. 

‘Yeah,’ she breathes out. 

JJ lets out a heavy sigh before continuing. 

‘I’ve never felt good enough for you, you know?’

Kie’s heart drops at that. She turns to him. 

‘JJ-‘

‘No, just let me-‘ he cuts her off, ‘and I think I’ve always just been waiting for you to figure that out. So now you’re heading to collage and I’ve just felt like it’s not just a count down to you leaving but you leaving me. Because once you see everything the world has to offer, I won’t be enough. And you won’t come back.’

JJ’s not looking at her, instead watching his hands as he picks at a callous on his palm. Kie reaches out and places her hand over his and he stills his movements. 

‘Fuck. I just really don’t want to lose you. And there was part of me that thought if you kept the baby then I wouldn’t. That you couldn’t leave me then.’

One of his hands pulls out from under hers and comes up to his face using the heel of his palm to wipe away the tears starting to fall. He sniffles and when his hand drops he places it on top of hers. 

‘John B kinda made me see how fucked up that is. You were right to say you’d be stuck with me. That’s what I was trying to do.’

Kie shakes her head and she wishes he would look at her. 

‘That’s not what I meant JJ. I just want it to be our choice. To do things in our own time, on our own terms. I didn’t mean I don’t want to be with you or do those things with you.’

Her other hand comes up and her fingers runs through the side of his hair, bringing it behind his ear. He leans into her touch and she figures that’s a good sign. 

‘I just can’t stop thinking,’ he swallows hard, ‘that if my parents made the same choice. I wouldn’t be here.’

Her grip on his hand tightens and she plays with the hairs at the back of his neck, running her fingers through it, her nails scratching his skin how she knows he likes it. 

‘And I’m so glad that didn’t. Because I can’t imagine my life without you in it,’ Kie pauses before continuing knowing her next words have to be careful, ‘but it’s our job to make sure when we bring someone into this world we’re ready to give it a good life, and we’re just not there yet. Your parents made a choice, and while I’m so glad they did, the world the brought you into was a reality no child should have to endure. We have the chance to do better.’

He nods sadly and stares down at their hands. Kie leans forward and rests her forehead against his temple, he leans against her touch. 

His hand twists around to intertwine their fingers as his other moves to wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull her close. 

They stay like that until the sound of the kombi van coming up the drive pulls them out of their bubble. They shuffle away and watch John B as he eyes them suspiciously and pulls up in front of them. 

JJ clears his throat, his eyes flick back a forth between hers trying to read her, maybe wondering if she still wants him to leave. She doesn’t. She wants to go up stairs and climb into bed and do nothing for the rest of the day. But she wants him there with her. 

She speaks before he can, ‘you can stay if you-‘ she cuts herself off, deciding to rephrase, ‘can you stay? Please.’

‘Yeah, of course,’ he plants a quick kiss on her head before standing and making his way over to John B. 

Kie stays seated as she watches JJ lean against the window and talk to John B, JJ gestures back to her and John B’s eyes shift to her, he looks worried, she does her best to flash a reassuring smile at him. 

She doesn’t catch what John B says when JJ starts walking back to her and he pulls away, but JJ shoots his middle finger back at him so she’s probably glad she didn’t. 

JJ reaches her and hold out his hand to her and helps her stand when she takes it. She stands in front of him on the bottom step, giving her the hight to be eye to eye with him, hesitantly she wraps her arms around his neck and leans in placing a small kiss on his lips. 

‘I love you,’ she says when she pulls away with almost as much uncertainty as when she first said it to him almost two years ago. 

‘I love you too.’

It’s like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders hearing him say the words. 

‘Come on,’ he say, grabbing her hand and leading her up the stairs. 

They spend the rest of day cuddled in bed watching Netflix. Things are different, they’ll never be the same again. 

But she’s pretty sure they’ll be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> And whoop there we go. I hope this was good enough. I really struggled with making sure they both got the comfort and understanding and support they needed in the end, I felt I was focusing to much on Kie to start and then in wanting to see JJ's perspective I think I focused to much on him, but I hope the balance wasn't to bad.
> 
> Low key really into the idea for JJ's real first name being Jack, it jst suits him I think so I added that in.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you thought or come talk to me or check out my other content here:
> 
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